Deciding to foster
October is Children of Foster Carers Month, the time in which we highlight the amazing role which foster parent’s children play in changing the lives of young people in need of a loving family life.
Fostering can hugely benefit children, teaching them values such as sharing and compassion, and helping them build amazing communication skills and understand healthy boundaries.
‘Fostering has to be a whole family approach,’ says Brigitte, one of our foster mums. ‘I can honestly say that the lives of my own children have been so enriched by this whole experience.’
If you’re interested in becoming a foster parent, that’s amazing news! Fostering is a life-changing decision for everyone involved— including you, the children you’ll be welcoming into your home, and every member of your own family.
Preparing your family for change
Deciding to foster is a big decision which must meet the needs of your whole family. You should give lots of thought and consideration to whether your children are ready for this big change and should involve them in the decision. Fostering as a family comes with incredible highs as well as some challenging times, so it’s really important that your children are ready to foster.
There will inevitably be some changes in your family structure when you choose to foster. You will have to share your time and energy evenly between all of your children and will need to take on a range of commitments related to the child in your care, including getting them to school, taking them to visits with their birth family and completing daily paperwork.
Talk about fostering as a family
If you’re considering fostering while raising your own children, you should discuss the idea with them. This shouldn’t be a quick chat; you should have plenty of discussions about the topic, talking with them in an age-appropriate way about what the ups and downs of fostering could look like for your family. Any concerns they have should be taken seriously and carefully considered before you decide to foster together as a family.
Let’s explore some of the factors to consider when deciding if it’s the right time to foster for your children.
Fostering with children of different ages
Fostering with a baby or toddler
Babies and toddlers need a lot of time, care and attention, just like any other child. Because of this, we wouldn’t generally proceed with an application to foster from someone who is currently raising a baby or toddler.
This is because many children in foster care live with trauma as a result of adverse childhood experiences, which may include abuse, neglect, or abandonment. Care-experienced children generally need lots and lots of support and guidance to thrive. We want to ensure that you have enough time and attention to fulfil the needs of every child in your home, so we’d encourage you to apply once your little one is a bit older.
If you have any additional queries, talk to our team who’ll help you to decide if now is the right time for you and your family to begin fostering.
Fostering with a young child
Fostering is a big change for your children, and it’s likely to take some time for your little ones to adjust to a new version of normal. Like with any new sibling, your child may find getting used to having a new family member challenging. Issues around jealousy can arise at any age but can be especially prevalent when children are young.
Every child is different, and only you will know if your little one is ready for such a big change. You can support your child through the transition by involving them in the process of making their foster sibling feel welcome and by continually reassuring them through your actions and words that you love and cherish them just as much as ever— only now, there is another member of your family who you can all love and support, too.
Fostering with teenagers
Preteens and teenagers are at a stage in life where change is frequent and they are learning to find their independence. Fostering can have lots of benefits for teens, teaching them valuable life lessons such as responsibility and respecting others from different backgrounds.
‘I can’t sit here and say it’s a walk in a park because it’s really not, especially not at first,’ says Kenya, whose mum began fostering when she was 17. ‘[But] once I realised that what we were doing was such an incredible thing to do and so rewarding for my entire family, my initial anxieties about fostering went away.’
As with younger children, there’s a chance that your older child may feel left out in the early days of fostering, when the child you’re caring for is likely to need lots of day-to-day support. It can also be hard for teens not to intervene if conflict arises in your household— for example, they may feel compelled to get involved if they see their foster sibling arguing with you.
Having mature, honest conversations with your teen can help establish if they’re ready to foster. Don’t shy away from discussing the more difficult moments you may encounter while fostering and establish clear boundaries about how you will all respect one another in your fostering household. Having your teen by your side during your fostering journey can be a real asset, and their support can prove invaluable when you begin fostering.
Fostering with young adults
Some people choose to foster when their children get older. Fostering is an amazing way of finding purpose and fulfilment after your own children have grown up, and can fill your home with love, laughter and life. You’re likely to find that you become like one big extended family.
‘All of the children we’ve looked after have always become part of our family and have been loved and accepted by us all,’ says Emma, who grew up in a fostering family. ‘If I had the chance to go back in time and choose if my parents fostered or not, I wouldn’t change a thing!”
If your child is over the age of 18 and still living with you, you can still foster providing you have a spare bedroom suitable for fostering. If your child is at university and you intend to use their bedroom for fostering, they will not be able to use the room if they come back to visit during the holidays. Anyone over the age of 18 who lives with you will be required to consent to a DBS check during your fostering assessment so that we have a clear picture of who’s living in your home.
Start your fostering journey here
Download our brochure and discover everything you need to know about fostering with Orange Grove.
How we will support your family
From day one of your fostering journey with us, you’ll have the support of a vibrant, passionate team who are committed to ensuring that every member of your family has an enriching and positive fostering experience.
Here are just some of the ways in which we’ll support your children when you choose Orange Grove:
- Our careful and considered matching process will work hard to ensure that everyone in your family will get along happily together, and your supervising social worker will be on hand to help if any issues arise.
- Extra help from your family support worker, giving you quality 1-1 time with your child while the child in your care enjoys an exciting day out.
- Resources for your children include our family hub, which has a range of articles for children such as what it’s like to be part of a family which fosters and how family dynamics can change when fostering.
- Support groups designed specifically for your children, where they’ll have the opportunity to meet other kids who foster. We listen closely to what kids have to say, using their feedback to incorporate their thoughts and feelings into how we work.
- Rewards for your children, including thank you gifts for the part they play in providing a safe home for their foster siblings. Your children will also have the opportunity to take part in fun competitions, and your whole family will be able to enjoy free fun family days out where you can all make new friends who share your experiences of fostering.
Can I foster if my child has additional needs?
If your son or daughter has any additional needs, such as a mental health condition, physical disabilities, poor health or neurological differences, you are more than welcome to foster as a family. So long as you are able to provide all of the children living in your home with the right amount of care and support in a safe environment, having a child with additional needs should not be a barrier to fostering.
You’ll learn more about if fostering is a right fit for your family when you enquire with us. Your children are an important part of the fostering assessment process, and we’ll take their individual needs into account throughout. Your experience in caring for your own child’s needs will likely mean that you already have many of the admirable skills we look for in our foster parents, including dedication, understanding, compassion and patience.
If the timing isn’t quite right
If you decide that now isn’t the right time for your family to foster, you shouldn’t feel guilty. As a parent your first responsibility is to the children who are already living in your home, and it’s important to put their needs first.
It’s natural to feel disappointed if you feel your family isn’t yet ready to welcome another child. Don’t be discouraged; circumstances are likely to change as your children grow and mature, and there are different types of fostering to consider which suit different types of families.
Wanting to help children is an admirable thing, and we eagerly encourage you to return to fostering in the future when your children are ready— we’ll be ready to support you every step of the way.
Begin fostering as a family today
Do you feel that your children are ready to begin fostering? If so, we’d love to hear from you on 0800 369 8513, or you can fill out our short online enquiry form. A friendly member of our team will be in touch to help you get started on your fostering adventure and answer any questions you may have.
Interested in learning more about fostering as a parent? Learn more about how to support your children while fostering, or read our FAQs and advice on the topic.
